Can't Get Enough Caffeine? It's Nature's Antidepressant!

Allow me to share with you a deep secret about the world; caffeine is in fact nature's antidepressant! A lot of people out there drink copious amounts of coffee or Red Bull under the guise that it's to "keep them awake" or they claim to "like the flavor". Well folks it's all a myth. People are addicted to caffeine only because it keeps them from jumping off tall buildings in the dead of the night.

You're probably wondering about my qualifications in making such a claim, but let me assure you that my skills in observation are first-rate. Starbucks isn't a gathering place for elitists and condescending snobs, it's a mental health clinic! You think those people standing in line playing with their iPhones are paying $5 to enjoy the taste of ground up coffee beans? Guess again; they are simply consuming enough caffeine to euphorically pretend their server job at Burger King is important in the world.

The more depressing somebody's job is, the higher their intake of caffeine becomes. Lawyers and computer techs can be regularly spotted at convenience stores wielding enormous plastic jugs full of coffee which contain enough caffeine to kill an adult sperm whale.

While this type of behavior may initially seem baffling, think about the money these people are potentially saving. Instead of visiting a therapist or psychiatrist at $100-200 an hour several times a month, they simply visit the nearest retail outlet for their mental health needs. Who needs prescriptions when you can guzzle down a HITMAN Energy Shot!

In today's world we have more caffeine options than ever before! Coffee is almost obsolete with the influx of Red Bull, Monster Energy, and even generic beverages that contain not just caffeine, but a large variety of other substances known to fight depression. So the next time you're feeling down, don't just call your therapist. Take a ride to your nearest grocery store and see what caffeine can do for you!