Sleeping During The Day: Top 10 Reasons to be Nocturnal

People are always reminding me that it's "normal" to sleep at night and be active during the day, but why focus on that? Today we will talk about the Top 10 reasons to be nocturnal!

1) Everything Looks Better

This principal doesn't just apply to sleeping with unattractive women. Everything looks better at night! Dust, dirt, and just plain bad looks are all minimized by a lack of light. Car dirty? No problem, just go grocery shopping at night! In fact..

2) Go Grocery Shopping at Night!

Sick and tired of the Walmart daytime crowds? No issue here fellow humans! Just visit your favorite grocery store at night. Ensure that it either has self-checkout aisles or adequate staffing to accommodate you. As an experienced nocturnahuman, I can give you good advice on this.

Places like Walmart often have even worse lines at night since they only have one register open. However, if you can find a place with enough registers open, nighttime will still be far better! Also watch out for the people who do their heavy duty shopping at night!

3) Enjoy the Wonderful Serenity of Darkness

Daytime is full of all kinds of nasty things. Lawnmowers, bees, lumberjacks and UPS trucks can all ruin your day with noise and racket. This is why you should invest in soundproofing and light-proofing your home or apartment.

At night you can read, write, browse the internet, or play war-games without all the daytime racket. Tape all your favorite shows and watch them without the commercials at night, while everyone else is having nightmares about the Geico lizard.

4) No Sunglasses, Glare, or Traffic!

Driving around has never been so easy! With the absence of light you don't require fashionably incorrect sunglasses, and you don't have to worry about visors to block out the harsh UV rays that are turning you into a prune.

Traffic is not an issue since everyone is asleep, so you have the roads to yourself. Go as fast as you like! Just watch out for deer and firstborn police officers. Personally, I like to use the cruise control and drive an unsuspecting budget vehicle to avoid confrontations with the boys in blue.

5) Avoid Awkward Social Events

The next time you are invited to an awkward social event, guess what? "You're on night shift". Amaze people by telling them about your important "government computer job" and rant about how hard it is to maintain such a hectic lifestyle. Make sure you tell them about your "10% differential pay" for working nights!

6) Become The Neighborhood Horror Story

Nothing scares people more than a mysterious man roaming around the neighborhood at night. Become a local legend! I would suggest taking long walks through parking lots and hovering around expensive vehicles. To enhance the experience hoist a shovel or axe over your shoulder while exploring the area.

7) Avoid Potential Lovers

Nothing is worse than becoming a victim to the crime know as a "relationship". Keep your hard-earned money and avoid unnecessary drama by staying single. There is no better way to stay single than being nocturnal. Unless you live in a city of course. In that case I would recommend never leaving your residence unless absolutely necessary. If engaged by the opposite sex with eye-contact, remember to look at your watch and whistle loudly while walking by.

8) Save Money on your Cell Phone Minutes

Everyone wants to save money on their phone bill. I can tell you from personal experience that being nocturnal is the solution! Who are you going to call at 2am on your phone? Nobody, unless your friends are all nocturnal as well. All the people who call you during the day will be forced to leave voice-mail messages, and this will filter out the jive-turkeys.

9) Get a Night Shift Job

I wouldn't recommend getting a job unless absolutely necessary.. However if you must, getting a night shift job can be lucrative. The pay and demand is often higher, making it easier to find and keep a night shift job.

By far the BEST part of working a night shift job is driving home in the morning. You get to laugh your ass off at all the miserable people driving to work during rush hour, as you drive towards your comfy home. Soon you will be asleep, and they will just be starting their drawn-out shift at Burger King.

10) Avoid "Important" People at Work

If you did get a night shift job, you will soon see the biggest benefit of all; avoiding so called "important" people such as managers and owners at your company. Typically, these "important" people like to have socially commendable lives, which consist of working 9-5 Monday-Friday, having a giant family, three divorces, and a Blackberry.

Managers are so concerned about their public appearances that they wouldn't be caught dead rolling into work in the middle of the night. That would suggest that they have marital or financial issues, or are just plain psychotic. So enjoy your peaceful shift at work by playing online flash games, sleeping, or leaving work to go do something more entertaining until the morning comes around.