If you're like me, you love the winter, hate summer, and Cold vs Hot is an easy decision. Today we will talk about the top 10 reasons why winter owns summer.
1) Snow and Ice Are Smooth Sailing, but Grass is Gritty and Dirty
You can't sled or glide on grass. You can't do much of anything with grass. All it does is get your shoes dirty and provide cover for opportunistic insects. Just imagine the beautiful Joannie Rochette skating around on a smooth layer of ice, and then think about a stadium full of toothless rednecks smashing into each other in big foot trucks. Now try to argue with me. Did I mention I love the winter and hate summer?
2) Fireplaces are Better than Pools
Nobody can resist the crisp heat of a toasty fireplace on a windy, cold night. Don't you love the winter? Pools? who wants to go swimming in a pool? It's probably full of urine from the last 1000 todders and whining brats swimming around in it, not to mention all the adults who "couldn't make it to the bathroom on time". Pools require constant time-intensive maintenance. It should make you hate summer. All fireplaces require is a steady supply of wood, coal, and MC Hammer albums. A clear Cold vs Hot victory here.
3) No Yard Maintenance
If you're like me you probably have childhood nightmares of being woken up at 8am on Saturday and Sunday to mow 10 acres of land. Do you realize how many years of X-Men cartoons I now have to make up for? Sure you might have to shovel some snow a few times, but at least it doesn't grow back. If you don't love the winter yet, you must have the latest John Deer tractor. How else can you not hate summer? Until snow starts growing, another Cold vs Hot victory for winter.
4) No Bugs!
Everyone hates bugs, and therefore you can conclude that everyone should hate summer and love the winter! Who wants to spend their time crawling around underneath a deck like a chimney sweep looking to exterminate "a colony" at 2am? You can keep your can of bee spray, because I love the winter! I prefer it when the bugs are all dead or have migrated someplace tropical where I will never visit. Cold vs Hot: No contest here.
5) You Can Pretend to be Russian
There's no better excuse to drink gallons of vodka than trying to "warm yourself up". Besides, what else are you going to do? Play team sports outside? Not unless you have a giant frozen lake nearby. The Russians hate summer and love the winter because "Siberia" wouldn't make sense if there were palm trees and camels roaming around. 9/10 Russian agree in the Cold vs Hot argument ice is king!
6) No Need To Wash Your Car
Why wash your car when you know another winter storm is just around the corner? It's the perfect opportunity to be lazy. Besides, it's always hilarious to see those rich people with Beamers and convertibles trying to keep their cars clean and getting stuck with their "high performance tires". Perhaps they should learn to love the winter, and purchase a giant gas-guzzling SUV like the rest of us.
7) Your Car Transforms into a Refrigerator
It's great to get takeout or leftovers from a restaurant, and just leave them in your car indefinitely! My friends routinely leave strombolis in their car so that I can eat them later. How generous of them! Well OK, they were actually trying to hide the food from me, but it's the thought that counts right! Cold vs Hot: Winter wins again! Do you love the winter and hate summer yet?
8) Fat People Can Cover up their Folds
What better way to cover up your extra blubber than wearing 4 layers of clothing? This also works great for skinny people, who can walk with confidence after putting on two jackets. You could be a body builder for all the world knows. Let's not forget the extra 10 pockets for guns and other self defense accessories. It's a well known fact that fat people hate summer, and love the winter. Cold vs Hot: Another shutout!
9) Sleep in Your Car
Some people out there might think that sleeping in your car is a bad idea in the winter. Too cold? Nonsense, that's what 5 layers of clothing are for. You can always put more on. Try sleeping in a car during July and you will see why that doesn't work so well. Also, in the winter your dirty car will conceal your presense, which might be important if you're homless and sleep in the parking lot of your Burger King job. Once again, another reason to love the winter and hate summer, a cruel demon of the world. Sweaty homeless folks know what time it is in the Cold vs Hot competition.
10) Winter Olympics!
If you're like me, then ice hockey is much more attractive than a bunch of dudes running and jumping over metal poles. The winter olympics is beautiful and seems more spectacular when it's cold. Perhaps it's because there are no bugs! For those of us who love the winter, there's nothing better than watching the winter Olympics while getting cozy in our den! We all know where hockey players stand in the Cold vs Hot debate.
Well there you have it folks. I hope you enjoyed the 10 reasons why we hate summer, love the winter, and why in the Cold vs Hot competition, the winner is obvious!
I wish I loved the cold. People who love winter hate sunlight, warmth, doing outdoor activities, being clean, leaving their house, breathing properly, barbecuing, relaxing, the color green, and retaining the value of their car. Life would be so easy if only I could hate those things like everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Winter is comming in Vietnam now. I also love the winter so much. And i wonder why you can't love it. Why it's not up to you?
DeleteI am completely terrified of global warming, so i HATE the summer because the temperature is always above average. I also like when the sun goes down because it is cozy. im really sad that its almost spring right now because all the snow is melting waaaaaa!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNot sure if reply to imseth85 went through, so I'll post. I am an avid snowboarder(that's outdoors, right?) I have impeccable hygiene, go out often, and have good pulmonary function. I cook whole chickens on my charcoal rotisserie grill when it's 20 degrees outside. Except sports, excessive sunlight impedes relaxation. It's such a drag when its still light out at 830PM. I wash my Xterra often in winter at coin ops. Remember, you can always dress appropriately for frigid temperatures. But, when it's 98 degrees and 98 percent humidity, you'll be miserable even naked! Also, green cannot coat everything the way beautiful white snow can.
ReplyDeleteHot temps of anything above 72 degrees makes me feel sickish..... LOVE the Winter, the way the sounds carry and the breathable crisp air AND everybody is inside their houses.... :)
ReplyDeleteA howling blizzard outside and plenty of good food and roaring fireplace inside. Being able to binge watch commercial free TV series, being able to game to your hearts content. Being able to indulge in cooking comfort dishes that take 6 to 12 hours to simmer with no time pressure. Catching up on some reading. Getting the great news on a Thursday that the office will be closed on Friday due to the weather. Having the luxury of peace & quite after all snow makes for great sound insulation.
ReplyDelete